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2003-01-31 - 9:53 p.m. Well. Mike is a married man now. He got married yesturday. It's over. All of THAT is finally over. Every dream I held is gone. I can't believe I wasted 4 years on him. And I have nothing to show for it. I could have been doing so many other things, i.e. finishing school. But noooo. I had to put up w/ that bullshit. And it got me nowhere. How could I be so fucking stupid? I will never believe in anyone like that. Ever. It does nothing. ____________________________________ Update-10:56 pm I am just so mixed right now. I don't have any feelings for him, don't think that, but life is so weird. Here is a guy, a waste of a guy I might add, who is now a father & a husband. A year ago he was in trouble w/ the law about drugs. And a year before that making me one scared girl. So why is that he can have all of the things I want. But I have nothing? I was the good one. I wasn't the insane one or the one w/ a drug problem. I'm not the one w/ a criminal history. I haven't ever hit anyone I loved or repeatly disrespected that person to tears. I am the one who is supposed to make it. I am the one who is supposed to laugh in his face. I should be the one happy. But I am miserable. I have nothing together. My life is a fucking joke. Seriously. I work for Estee Lauder & I live @ home. I am 23. He always fucking wins.
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