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2003-03-21 - 5:29 p.m. Have you ever felt that something was too good to be true....so you push it away & make yourself mad for no reason, b.c. in your sick mind, something that good could never possibly happen to you? I am. Josh was "supposed" to send that package, like Monday. Told me "Guess what I sent today? Your box." He said he sent it express, & I should get it in 3-5 days. Uh-huh. No box. He said on Wednesday he sent it Fed-Ex. I called Fed-Ex today. "There isn't anything being sent to a Misty ******* that I can find." Fucking dog liar. And the reason I say he is lying is b.c. it should be here & they can't find my name & whatever....fuck him. I make myself think these thoughts; I think I am mental. Really. Crying & shit b.c. of THAT? If he is lying about sending it, & he might not be--he named everything that was in it, read the card to me, told me over & over & over & over not loose anything in it & asks me all of the time if I have gotten it yet--well, I don't know. It's like, he is 9000 miles away so I don't know if what he is saying is true. He said he put my picture under his helmet for when they leave. That he told his mom about me. That the only thing he is focused on is coming to see me. That he is crazy about me. That he talks about me all of the time. He could be pulling all of that out of his ass for all I know. And he very well might be. WHY AM I MAKING MYSELF LIKE THIS!!!!?????? WHY can't I just go along w/ something? W H Y? What is wrong w/ me?
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