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2003-03-31 - 2:27 p.m. I think I am falling into another depression. Today has been weird inside for me. My heart is heavy & I can't shake this feeling of no self-worth. Something is missing. I can't for the life of me figure out what. Bills are getting to me. I look like a wreck. Seriously. I'm on the verge of tears & then I look @ myself & it all falls apart. I can't control my life & I can't think of where to start to get it together. I keep making a list in my mind of what actually means anything to me, but I can't come up w/ anything. Alright, I have a good job-THAT I DREAD GOING TO NOW B.C. IT IS SO FUCKING BORING. I have a car-THAT I CAN'T CLEAN B.C. I HAVE NO ENERGY. I kinda have a bf- WHO IS 9000 MILES AWAY FROM ME & WHO I HAVE NO CHANCE OF SEEING FOR 6 MONTHS TO A YEAR. I have college credits- BUT LACK ANOTHER YEAR & DON'T WANT TO GO TO A SCHOOL AROUND HERE!!!! f u c k I am not happy. @ all. This is a damn shame, you know that?
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