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2003-04-04 - 10:27 p.m. My heart is beating fast & for a good reason. For the first time in forever, I am absolutly elated @ the thought of someone in my life. I want to run outside & knock on everyone's door & yell "JOSH IS THE BEST!" B.c. he is. Today was God-awful for me. From the time I woke up, it was total chaos. Yelling, fighting, cussing, etc. etc. etc. I went to work w/ such a heavy heart. Josh was supposed to leave today....I have talked to him everyday for the past few days. So when I didn't get a call @ work, it was okay--somewhat. I went home for lunch & no one was here. (Thank God) I went into the living room to go check the mail, b.c. you know I have been LIVING @ that mailbox waiting on that damned package. So on the couch was this fucked up excuse for a box. I knew it was the box. I took it, stared @ it, you should have seen this thing. It looked like it got into a fight. Guys can't wrap worth a shit, we all know that. But it had a hole in it, & was wet, & all but demolished. I tore that mother apart. While tearing up, mind you. Inside was a drum head signed by the members of H2O, all of his pins, patches, & rankings from being in the Army, earrings & bracelet he always wears. Pictures. A video. And a card. Ohhhh the card. Oh. My. I don't think I have ever gotten a card like that one. It was so....honest. I can't say I am leading this guy on, oh no ma'am. Well it seems like only yesturday we starting talking and soon we will be together after this whole war thing ends. I so can't wait to be with you and share every moment with you. Maybe play guitar for you if I feel like it. The video was one of those little tapes, so I needed a VHS adapter. I went to Target & found one there. Bought Jackass: The Movie, too. I went back to work. He didn't call. I went home. Went to watch the news. He calls. We talked and talked and talked. We want to go to Vegas when he comes back. Hell. He will be here for 2 weeks. We aren't going to sit around here. He told me he would call me when he got off of gaurd duty; 7am his time, 11 mine. I watched the video. What a idiot. I laughed my ass off. He is so fucking C U T E, I can't believe it. And funny. The video was mainly them playing Get Up Kids & Allister covers, walking around a grave yard, & what the morning routine is. I thought it was interesting, b.c. this whole time I haven't been able to place things together, like his room & uniforms & Germany itself. So yeah. It was cute. He just called. 11:00 on the dot. Dead tired. We only talked for about 4 min. Mainly about the video. He was tired so he let me go. I will talk to him tomorrow. In the beginning I thought waiting for someone month after month, no knowing anything about when they would be coming home was sorta weird. I mean, yeah I liked him, but I didn't know if he really meant it when he said he wanted me to or if I could hold his interest long enough. This newness is really something, you know that? The milage sucks. He is a 9 hour plane ride away, & leaving for war any day now. There will be months in between our conversations. Letters will be 3-4 weeks apart. But, really, it doesn't matter now. B.c. we both know that when that plane lands, it's going to be something. I feel it. ____________________________________ A email I got from Josh tonight- MISS-tee, Thank u for the e-mail.Everything that u say to me makes my day a little brighter.Every chance that I have to talk to u makes me feel so much better about this.U are such an awesome person and I could never let that go.Ever since I have been talking to u I have been like "I'm never letting this one go." I mean even back home I could NEVER find a girl that was in to Finch as much as I am. I'll never let u go and I'll be back soon.Then shit's gonna hit the fan.Take care,talk to ya soon. ME
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