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2003-05-08 - 6:56 p.m. Listening To: Mest / Cadillac You like that title, don't you? I am NEVER taking a diet pill again. I was getting ready to go out, & while I was looking for something to wear, couldn't find the black skirt I wanted to wear, I just burst into tears. I have these horrible hot flashes. I am tired. I feel fatter than I did BEFORE I took the pills. I don't even know why I took them. Just to edge off of cravings, I guess. Well. Never again. I got a letter from Josh today. He sent some money from Iaq, too, & that was awesome. He is doing alright. He said all they do is fill sandbags all day. It is 120 degrees there. Ouch! He gets about 2 hours of sleep every 24 hours. I know he is drained. He heard they might leave around the 14th of June. I'm scared. So scared. I am scared to tears. Literally. He will be here, in front of me, in about a month, give or take. I'm afraid. I want this so bad. I want him so much. I can't stand it. He is so SO awesome & I want this. Never in my life have I found someone so amazing, he just makes me speechless. FUCK I'm so scared. What if...what if...what if. What if he gets here & hates it & hates me & I never talk to him again & he thinks I'm a loser & he regrets ever meeting me. Things have changed so much, you know? I just want him here next to me & I want to know he wants this too. I mean, he wants it now. But SHIT. I'm going to drive myself crazy, I know. I can't assume anything. I have to let things ride out. But have you ever met someone & just KNOWN you were perfect for this one person & hoped to God they felt the same way & would give the world to make them realize that? *raises hand* Blah. Maybe I'm over-thinking things? Maybe? I want to get on a plane to Iraq right this minute & march over there & find him. I hate this!!!! WAHHHHHH!!!! Okay. I have hit crazy.
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